Comparison … The silent virus

‘’The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.’’

Comparison can be a normal thing in a person’s life. However, it all depends on how we use it. If you compare yourself to others for progress check and other purposes such as motivation, it’s fine. But once you start being consumed by what you see, yet you always end up feeling less than what you are, it is a problem.  The truth is, it’s not wrong to look for signs; signs that you should grow, signs that you are doing great. But you just need to look in. Because when you focus so much on others, you will be filled with pressure and feel as though there is a certain deadline. That you should be stable at a certain age. That you should be doing what others do because you are falling behind. It’s not truth … And that’s how you get infected by the silent virus: comparison.  Likes, follows, comments. They were meant for fun, but they are becoming a form of approval. It seems as though, the more you get of them, the more important you feel. But if you only looked in, if you only knew your worth. If you only knew accomplishment had no color or size, no age or height. It’s okay to not go fast, as long as you keep moving. For example; someone has a diploma years before you, but you are still in the process. Once you get yours, it will be the same diploma. You just need to keep trying. Why compete, when we will face our own yellow light? Rerouting is not denial, the light is green for your neighbor now, it is their time. Rejoice with them because your time will come. You may not have it the same way, but one day, in a different space, a different time, you will be happily living your desires. To each his own…

 

WHAT IF WE BUILT BOYS TOO?

 

Society’s role in our relationships  

Tears                 Emotions       Rights

A girl grows up and learn quickly how she should behave, that she should be a lady and keep her dignity. And that’s all fine until you see how they treat boys.  Boys tend to be the happy-go-lucky figure. They grow up with the idea that they are the protector, that they are beyond strong and are allowed second chances no matter what they do because  “it’s in their nature” or it’s “the girls fault’’. Which is why a lot of men don’t cry because they think tears are a sign of weakness and that they should be strong all the time.

It shouldn’t be that way…

Did you know that tears can help keep your eyes free from debris?

Tears make your vision clearer;  they contain lysozyme

(Something that kills bacteria in a matter of minutes) So why would a man refuse to take advantage of that? The way that society want men to be is causing a lot of trouble.  Men are told to not open up, to keep it all inside and to hustle. Society should admit that men have emotions too, they can also get anxious and grief. THEY ARE HUMAN! If they were allowed to be more expressive,  a lot of relationships would succeed in the emotional area. Lack of communication is a serious thing that can cause damage in any relationship. Even long term relationships face communication issues. Because just like two parallel lines,   the way they prepare boys cannot fit in the rules girls are told to follow. They just can’t be in accord with one another. It all starts from the early experiences and the types of influence. In short, the words they speak into boys create stoical and distant men.

Why?

I mean,  being strong is important.  But why is our society not telling men how to behave too? This is far from feminism, but integrity should apply to both female and male. That way, we would have more stable families and a less confused youth.  We should applause both men and women for their strength (Though they differ) but if girls are taught probity and boys are free to go, there is a problem. And if boys are told to be cold there is a problem as well. Train more girls to be inspiring women,  and more boys to be influential, that’s how we can have a society with uplifting people.

Too rigid?

Scientists discovered that girls optimize brain connections earlier than boys, females mature faster in cognitive and emotional areas in childhood and adolescence. Since girls already have all that escalation, It would be reasonable to not give them so much pressure in order to fit in. Think about it, if you raise a girl to be a faithful woman.  To be there for her husband and to never make a single mistake. Because if she does, she will be seen as deceptive, weak and dishonest. But you raise a boy to be a strong figure that waits to be served and you tell him it’s okay to mess up a few times. How can that possibly work out? If a woman’s character decreases due to insincerity, so does a man’s. The one that chooses lies and treachery chooses the easy way out. If you choose the easy way out then that’s your downfall whether you are a man or a woman. Morality has no gender.

It goes both ways

A man shouldn’t feel weak to cry or open up to his partner. A men shouldn’t take pride in charming many women neither. But in charming one woman though he has the option of charming many, that should be the sign of strength. Chasing every girl is just a sign of emptiness and confusion.

Eventually, we need each other. We should educate both our boys and girls. We should give comfort and respect to one another,  so that we may mutually understand our wants and needs. Girls can’t do it alone and it’s okay for boys to loosen up. It’s good to let them know this before strictly telling them what to do, how to do it and when to do it. If we make it as simple as it is, there will be less apathy.

“The improvement of understanding is for two ends: first, our own increase of knowledge; secondly, to enable us to deliver that knowledge to others.” John Locke

 

 

 

Am I ready to love ?

No matter how simple your perspective might be when it comes to love, you can’t have a good relationship if you or your partner do not know anything about proper healing. If you ask long term couples what it takes to make it work, you will probably get: respect, loyalty and patience as an answer.  But have you ever pursued details? If you are like me, you probably like to interrogate and analyze people in long term relationships (with or without children). It’s such a beautiful thing to feel prioritized, but sometimes we need to reflect on the real questions. A committed relationship requires inner work from both parties. Emotional maturity is essential; age does not define maturity only experiences and a will to grow. So don’t assume someone is mature just because ‘’they pay bills’’ Below are some of the most pivotal questions to ask yourself before you get in a relationship:

Do I love myself ?

Think about it, how can you give anything you don’t have? You want to love someone because you know it’s a good thing. But how do you know that? By hearing/seeing it? Remember no one is posting or talking about the imperfections of their relationships. So spend time alone. Please yourself by doing what makes you happy. And don’t do it simply because you want to prepare for a relationship, do it because you deserve it. This is only for you. A tenderness between you and you; your inner and outer beauty, all that you are. You owe yourself the love you want from another.

Am I chasing love?

There is a time for everything. Some people feel like time is running out and that’s okay. But don’t lose yourself chasing a relationship. It’s okay to want company but make sure you do things for the right reason, you should know that if you just want to be in love you may go the wrong direction, not everyone want the same thing as you. A love that celebrates you instead of one that tolerates you is always worth it.

Am I ready to commit ?

Would you be a good partner to the partner you want ? If you want a caring one, would you be able to return that love or would you abuse their feelings?.  Remember that a relationship is teamwork, what you do with your body affects the other and what you say with your lips affect them as well. How you live your life can influence them. Are you ready to stop doing things that could affect your relationship?. It takes two to make it all work. If the goal of the relationship is not commitment, if you don’t see yourself staying with this person, it may all be games. For those who want to have children, don’t chose someone who pleases your eyes only. You can choose your partner but the children can’t choose their parents, how do you want to raise your children? Can you and your partner influence them the right way?

Do I currently miss someone ? Do I miss a crush / someone I once loved?

If you want a new relationship, you need to let go of anything that did not work out. Sometimes, people don’t catch blessings because their hands are already full, so let go of the season to welcome the  reason. Also, a lot of people get in a relationship to replace someone they were not ready to lose or to make someone jealous. That is a very childish way of settling. You should only commit when you are ready, because some years from now the person you try to impress won’t care but you will probably not be as happy as you want to be and you will have a void in you. So what you do for attention only affects you.

Am I respectful?

Can you respect someone properly? Are you able to give someone space? And can you still respect their view on life even if it’s different from yours? It’s all important because you should respect their individuality and not force them to fit in a relationship.

Can you be a friend to them?

A lot of relationships are based on romance only. But you know you are more than intimate when you can open up to someone and feel safe around them. Some people only focus on what separates a relationship from a friendship but your partner should be one of your best friends. A good way of loving a friend is listening to them, so are you a good listener or are you just waiting for your turn to speak? Think about it.

Am I DUI?

Yes, you read that right. But it’s not what you think. Are you dreaming under the influence? Do you want to be in a relationship only because all your friends are in one? If you do it that way, you will not be fully happy as you should be and you are wasting your partner’s time. So be ready, not lonely.

In fine, everyone deserve love . But you need to love yourself and be ready because a relationship is a full-time job. You should also know that, who you choose to share your path with says a lot about you, and will affect your life in many ways, it’s up to you to know if you want a positive outcome. Just like a school project, every team get to work on their assignment. If you do something good, the team gets the grade. You should also help your teammate with their weakest assets and vice versa. A team that never give up, that work together and refuse to expose the other’s fault is a team that will pass every test.

SIGNS YOU ARE DEALING WITH A TOXIC PERSON.

Social interactions are great! Some are inspiring and some are simply a source of happiness. Being able to trust a friend is a gift from the universe; being in the right relationship makes you feel like you’re one with it; a friendly co-worker alleviates stress. However, it is important to know that not everyone shows their real intentions and a toxic person can be found anywhere. Here are some sure signs you are dealing with one:

They are manipulative: It’s always about them. They get others to do what they want and try to get as much sympathy as possible. People they mentally  abuse usually end up with feelings of guilt and fear. They know exactly how to make others feel not good enough. Another thing all manipulative people have in common is a never ending “torture and cure” cycle. Every time they cause someone to hurt, they always offer something; either a false compliment or a material thing the person truly wants. They usually take a certain amount of time before they go back to their ways, this is a technique they use to always keep others around whenever they want because their game is built of others vulnerability.

They are a damage to your relationship with others: It’s a normal thing for a friend, spouse or any person you interact with to want to spend time with you. The real problem is when you notice you are losing connections because of a specific person, you might have to think twice before you decide to trust them again.

Something feels wrong: Intuition never lies. And you will be thankful once you decide to listen to it. If you always have a sense of ‘’warning’’ concerning someone you should pay attention to it (the feeling). Be aware that having trust issues is not how you will learn to hear your intuition. Your opinion of someone never changes their reality. Your intuition will warn you whether you choose to ignore the bad signs coming from them or not, it will not only speak to you when the conditions are right for you. For example: Riley is obsessed with her significant other Eric. Every time they have a good time, she ends up talking about how she feels like he’s good for her but if they happen to disagree on some terms, she says she feels like he is not the one for her or that his intentions are not pure. But Riley’s desires are different from her intuition, regardless of what she wants to hear. Her intuition would still warn her because its role in her life is to prevent situations for her. It is to protect and guide her. Not to tell her “You’re right girl , you’re right I knew it sis” as her girlfriends would.

They don’t know how to keep secrets: Not all things need to be hidden, holding a secret that could save someone from damage is not good. But if your friend never stops telling you the personal life of other people, you need to be careful because he/she is also telling others about you.

They don’t collaborate: If you are always the one who tries to keep something right while your partner is playing smart . It is not good. I can understand if your roommate couldn’t afford a certain monthly fee due to other things going on in their life but if they keep doing the same things you should gently confront them . It’s okay if you apologize because you don’t want pride to affect your relationship but once your better half starts to make you feel guilty of what they do to you, you may need to ask yourself if this is what you truly want in a relationship. Don’t underestimate toxic people. They know how to make you bear their faults but they can’t do it without your consent .

They bring out the worst in you: We all know the famous line ”Friends bring out the best in you” and when it comes to toxic people,  it is the absolute opposite. Not only do they bring out the worst in you,  but they’re good at it.  They know  how to make you believe it is right.  You need to be aware that a toxic person is not always one who makes you cry. Sometimes it’s the influence they have on you.  They make you do ”fun things” that are not necessarily good for you. They generate the ”enjoy now and pay later” type of fun and it makes you lose the desire to improve.

Lastly, no one is perfect but you should be aware of what role your circle plays to your dreams and how you feel around them. Our energy introduces us before we even speak, but if you failed to recognize it and are in a toxic relationship, do not think it is too late to move on. You can start, little by little, before it hijacks the control you and only you should have of your life. No one else should have the wheel. A common reason people stay in toxic relationships is the fear of loneliness. But once you start loving yourself and realize that you deserve love, you will start attracting people who think the same and will love you for who you are. You will not have to lose yourself for it  (good connections) because it will be of great quality, it will be the help that catapults you to your goals. You will not have to force it as it will be like a peaceful wind that naturally enters the windows of your life to illuminate, inspire, challenge, accept and love you.

S.O.A.P

SOAP

I have always been very interested in finding ways to study the bible and having my own process. I have had many of them in the past and am still willing to develop this skill. During a conversation between my friend and I, he told me he wanted to find a way to study the bible  and I thought this was very important. I immediately understood he wanted to grow spiritually, so I suggested to him some easy ways to begin which didn’t seem to satisfy him at all. He wanted to know if I could suggest to him some online bible studies and that’s how I found the soap method . It was uploaded by a woman on you-tube, although it seems like it has been out there for a bit of time but I found it in her channel.  ( Ciuciu )

Here is how it goes :

Scripture

Observation

Application

Prayer

The ‘’scripture‘’ is the word of GOD, as the first part of the process, a bible passage must be selected first.

The observation part, evidently, is the second part and the scripture that has been selected must be analyzed.

The application part is clearly what should be done practically. In other words, the scripture that has been selected and observed must be applied in the journey as a motto.

The prayer part should be the presence of the words of GOD, and it should be lived, practiced and should  brighten a person’s life. Even 5 minutes of prayer daily is enough to illuminate a person’s life .

Here is my soap of the day:

 

‘’ For God so loved the world that he gave his only son , that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.’’

John 3 : 16

The author wants to communicate a very important theme here  and this is very good to know, not only because all scripture is inspired by God but because the message here is for everyone  every nation race, color, and age . Giving grace is God’s good pleasure, by giving his only begotten son, because of our own fault, He is expecting us to simply believe in him .

I am willing to  proclaim my belief in Jesus Christ, the only son of God, I am ready to serve and let my faith grow. This does apply in my life at some point. I am not the best Christian model or the best rule keeper, but I try hard because I know it is worth it. I believe in Jesus …

Here I am father, I give you everything I have today: my heart, my mind and my spirit. I believe in your son, Jesus Christ, my savior. I believe he came down in the flesh through Mary, your servant. I believe he resurrected on the third day and is seated at your right hand. Lord, help me understand your love more and more and be able to let you take control of my life, my family, my health, my dreams and every other blessing you gave me. Help me grow my faith the way you want it to. Father,  let everything in my life be done according to your will, connect me with the right people, bless the desires of my heart, the places I go, where I am and every other thing I get involved in, let my life be controlled by you and you only, in the name of Jesus, your son, I pray. Amen .

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